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"Laozi never had to deal with bullshit from people he met through an internet medium. And yes, you can quote that." -TheMistDragon, TNM founder
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Nov. 9th, 2005 @ 12:13 am Update
I love Rochester!! I've been SOOOOOOOO busy. I joined some clubs...

1. Hatha Yoga

2. SEEC (Seekers for the Enhancement of the Enlightened Consicousness)... its a group about life and how it applies to spirituality basically. I don't like the name too much... haha.

3. Philosophy Council.

4. Anthropology Council

5. Psycology Council

I was apart of the Religious roundtable, but im too busy Sundays. I was also apart of the Vegitarian group here... but they seem...a lil..whats the word... extreme? lol. And my time is already constricted as it is. I work at ITS (Information Technology Servces) I basically do my homework there... but its a computer/study place. I love it. Much better then circuit city.

I am rarely off campus, unless its on the weekends to go to Super Walmart, Wegmans, or some concert. OR to the mall. Yes... the mall. I love the malls. I go broke there every month. Ahahhah.

Dorm life= Awesome. SO MANY PEOPLE. Its just.. wow. Me, my friend David, and Jake all bought matching underwear... ahahah. I posted the pictures at : http://rochester.facebook.com/photos.php?id=3704434&l=1962a It was... crazy. And the underwear was so cheap!!! So how can you go wrong?

The weather here was AWESOME until 3 days ago. Then it dropped 40 degrees, and there has been an overcast ever since. Ahh. It sucks. Alex (my roomate) got sick, and so did a lot of other people. Anyway..

I got to go to work. Just IM me... or something. My Messeging programs are always online now, so its easy to contact me. There there is the Cell! ahaha. Anyway, I will try to update more (n0t). Until then.
About this Confession
Hope
Sep. 20th, 2005 @ 06:32 pm I'm Here!
Wow, I havent posted in this thing in a while.

Well, im in Rochester. Fun fun fun. I dont think anyone reads this thing anymore anyway.,=... =-/
About this Confession
Hope
Jul. 30th, 2005 @ 07:13 pm What you didn't know.
Prevalent Racket: All of the pieces
I think I will actually miss it here. Its the place, but more so the people. As I watched my little cousin register for school, it hit me that I wasn't going to be doing that this year. Nope, insted I will be leaving the toasty south for a not so lukewarm north. Of course this is climate based, but still. Over all I will miss the people. You guys know who you are. I will even miss Circuit City to a degree. Again-- the people. It's why I love the job--- THE PEOPLE. People from all over the world come to Circuit City in little ole South Carolina looking for...eletronics. Out of all things. And I meet people from everywhere... its why I love it. Incase you don't know, thats my natural high. Its better than any drug; inhaled, snuffed, shot or otherwise. Meeting new people, (be the hillbillies, the stuck ups, the weirdos, or whoever) and talking to them about random life events. It's my muse.

But now im moving on from here, to meet even more people. Its why I chose Rochester mainly-- the diversity of people. It just seemed right.

So, less than two weeks left before I leave Circuit City, and 3 weeks left before I leave here. Strange to say I will miss Lamar, not for what it couldn't give me, but for what it has. Friends and people who I will hold in my heart for life. No matter how far they become physically.

On that note, here ae the top 10 things I will miss about SC (and the south in general):

10. Dry winters
9. Traveling 1-2 hours to get anywhere worth getting.
8. Cowardly wild dogs.
7. Metting new cousins every year.
6. A trailer on every corner. Or every OTHER corner. Even in the middle of nowhere.
5. Bilo
4. Flip Flops :(
3. Southern Cooking.
2. Nicely tanned people (meaning White people are brownish, Asians are golden-- the little we have, latinos are black, and black are...the actual color of black)
1. Everything words can't describe.

And...thats... it.
About this Confession
Hope
Jul. 18th, 2005 @ 11:37 pm Runaway
For my heart calls to a level my mind cannot comprehend.

I must ascend to decend.

To make the way---

I must become it.

Namaste.
About this Confession
Hope
Jul. 18th, 2005 @ 12:40 pm <^> No Subject <^>

About this Confession
Hope
Jul. 16th, 2005 @ 04:39 pm Good news for me
Virgin at 18? Here's a Big Payoff!

Teens who remain virgins throughout high school may think they're missing out on some of the fun, but the reality is their sexually active peers are the ones missing out.

The study: A new study from the Christian group Focus on the Family analyzed data from the National Longitudinal Study of Youth that was conducted in waves from 1979 to 2000 with 3,750 men and 3,620 women. It controlled for ethnicity and previous educational or economic disadvantage. About half the students were virgins at 18 and half were not. Students were surveyed at age 18 and again at age 38.



Advice to Teen Girls: Why You Should Ditch the Boyfriend [Netscape]

What Makes You a Virgin? [Janis Cortese]

A Daring New Sex Education Tactic [Netscape]

Abstinence: Things to Do Besides Sex [AskMen]

Talking to Your Kids About Sex [iVillage]



The results: When the two groups were evaluated 20 years after their high school graduation, the data showed that both the male and female high school students who remained virgins at least until age 18 enjoyed huge advantages as adults, compared to those who had had sex in high school:

They completed an average of one year more of higher education.
Their incomes were 20 percent higher.
They had about half the risk of divorce.
"It is very much as we suspected--that adolescent virginity has a significant impact on well-being in middle adulthood," said lead study author Reginald Finger, M.D. "We found, as well, that these better outcomes were not merely the result of avoiding teenage pregnancy or fatherhood. The outcomes are inherent to remaining abstinent. In addition, we found that female virgins were more likely than their non-virgin counterparts to have a positive financial net worth and were almost half as likely as non-virgins to use welfare benefits."
The research findings were published in the journal Adolescent and Family Health.
About this Confession
Hope
Jul. 14th, 2005 @ 03:04 am Ahahahha
Ahahah
About this Confession
Hope
Jul. 14th, 2005 @ 02:40 am Because I am One...
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl¡¯s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they¡¯re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don¡¯t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn¡¯t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you¡¯d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn¡¯t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing ¡°serious¡± between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: ¡°oh, but we¡¯re just friends!¡± And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you¡¯re nice like that.

The nice guys don¡¯t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don¡¯t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can¡¯t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as ¡°oh, he¡¯s too nice to date¡± or ¡°he would be a good boyfriend but he¡¯s not for me¡± or ¡°he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn¡¯t possibly ask him out!¡± or the most frustrating of all: ¡°no, it would ruin our friendship.¡± Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can¡¯t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I¡¯m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn¡¯t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you¡¯re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

*Note: I got this from a MySpace bulletin that someone posted.


Kindness is tenderness. Kindness is love, but perhaps greater than love... Kindness is good will. Kindness says, "I want you to be happy."
--Randolph Ray
About this Confession
Hope
Jun. 28th, 2005 @ 10:47 pm <^> No Subject <^>
Work is UGGHH.

And its going to get worst as more and more people leave! >_< It's aggervating. Ah well, only one solid month left. Then 2 weeks after that month... I quit... and a week after that, I am in ROCHESTER! STARTING COLLEGE!

Oh yeah. Not long now kiddos.

I started back taking creatine. For those of you who dont know what it is, look it up. This time thought, im goign to moderate. I dont want to blow up like a ballon again.
About this Confession
Hope
Jun. 12th, 2005 @ 08:41 pm Still frames in Time
Prevalent Feeling: cheerful
Prevalent Racket: Hollaback Girl
These are photos from Graduation. Just a click in the moment--- not enough to be it, but enough to share.

The Memories... )

AH... so many memories. I will miss you guys! I wanted to take so many more pictures... but everyone left so fast. *sigh* Ah well. Time moves on. And so must we. =-)
About this Confession
Hope
Jun. 8th, 2005 @ 12:12 am <^> No Subject <^>
My dentist is so hot. Is it wrong to love your dentist?

lol. Shes 27, Owns her own practice, has great teeth (of course), and is asian! So shes short like me. Shes always "Chris, im going to keep you here with me" Im like SUREEE! ahaaha. *sigh* Vicki....
About this Confession
Hope
May. 30th, 2005 @ 10:44 pm And the Fat Lady Sings.....
I graduated Friday.

So I am out of high school. It wasnt all that sad... no one cried during graduation or afterwards. One moment I will remember... I was walking, and Shannon called my name. I felt her looking at me from behind. I always can. So, I turned around--- and she just smilled. It all happened in slow motion in my mind. One of those "Time stops" things. She was like "Chris...." I was like "Shannon..." and then we hugged, and that was that. We both knew. That was the end. Of so many things...

Lots of parties were going on afterwards. I couldn't make them all *tear* ah well. I just hug out with Edward, Chrystal, Krystina, Carrie, and Lee. It was fun! Me, Edward, and Chrystal ran into Faith and her sister at the amusement park... it was..awakard? Somehow.

The past year has been very...fun. Many things have changed, and who I am has changed with that--- but what I am will always remain the same. From women <( @_@ )> to fellow friends freakin out and flipping scripts, to drug abuse and scandels, and all the things in between. The last year has been one to remember. A stress, a burden, but an uplifting. I wouldn't change a thing. The summer should be a nice break...until Auguest where it all flips again.

Anyway, it was all fun...so fun. Now a summer of working and preparing for college. Its so mind numbing. At least May is comming to an end. This has been one of the most hetic moments of my life. Tieing up loose ends, opening up brand new ones, and moving on into an uproar of undeniable ventage. ^_^ How sweet it has been.

There isn't much more I can say. So I will leave it at that.
About this Confession
Hope
May. 22nd, 2005 @ 12:53 am Headache
Prevalent Feeling: cranky
I went to see Star Wars: Ep. III with Owen, his brother Christopher, and Edward. It was a blw your mind movie.

Only downside--- they all smoke. I hate smoking! They are my friends... it is just now I have a killer headache.

...-_-
About this Confession
Hope
May. 4th, 2005 @ 07:57 pm <^> No Subject <^>
Canyon
~ 48% Water ~ 85% Wind ~ 70% Earth ~ 59% Fire ~
I only wanna open wide the window

and let sunlight through...

Your colours are light blue, gold, and a darker orange. You are likely protective, good with money, intelligent and have sharp wits. However, you may sometimes appear methodical or stressed. You could try wearing a Hawk’s Eye that inspires serenity and helps come to terms with imperfection, and thus bring you a bit closer to harmony.

In detail:

Your Creative Chakra, which is associated with the element of </b>earth</b> and represents our need to preserve and grow, and your Throat Chakra, which is associated with the element of wind and represents our desire to learn and communicate, are predominant.

Your Ground Chakra, which is associated with the element of fire and represents our basic desires and driving force, and your Heart Chakra, which is associated with the element of water and represents our sense of love and compassion are not quite as prominent.





My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 21% on water

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 94% on wind

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 87% on earth

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 34% on fire
Link: The Elemental Balance Test written by Nitsuki on OkCupid Free Online Dating
About this Confession
Hope
May. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:31 pm Singing to the walls
Prevalent Racket: Candy Shop- 50 Cent
Girls Girls
All Types of Girls
Black, White, Puerto Rician, Chineese Girls
Do your Twhang a Twhang
Do your Twhang a Twhang
Girls Girls
Get that Cash
If it means shaking yo ass---
Aint no shame ladies do your thing
Just make sure your ahead of the game



GIRLS. Yea. Shannon and are are friends again, not as close as we were, but talking none the less. Faith and I are in the middle somewhere I guess. None of us are committed or anything. Today, my friends recent girlfriend (like 3 days recent) just gave me her phone number. But just because a door opens, doesn't mean you walk threw. I mean, they just broke up, geez. AND IM MOVING SOON. So this is all comming at a bad time. Or is it... ? Hm. If only I was a player or a male whore--- something along those lines. Damn these morals and shit.

MEh. I don't care really. I need to talk to Shannon. She moved out of her house because of her dad... is he really that aweful to her? Shes graduating in 3 weeks! What is it with these abusive dads? Gah, makes me sick. I have to talk to her. But I cant call her since she doesn't pay her cell phone bill...and shes not home. lol, Faith saw Shannon at Burger King, and Faith didnt remember who she was.. Shannon is all, "Did your friend tell you that she saw me?" today. Im like "Yea!" ahaha. Ironic and funny. Its like =-o! Yea, I could feel the jealously in her voice. lol slight, but there. Its ok though. I still love the gal all the same. I just need to talk to her.

Ah well. Just venting. No none reads this anyway, so its cool ^_^
About this Confession
Hope
Apr. 29th, 2005 @ 10:30 pm Rants
Prevalent Feeling: blank
Prevalent Racket: Love.Angel.Music.Baby
Today was senior trip to Carowinds (an amusement park in NC-- http://www.carowinds.com/). VERY fun. Friends, food, rides, getting wet, sweaty, hot and sunny weather------- what more can you ask for right? Me and Owen sang "She will be loved" on stage in front of a gazillion people. Neither of us can sing, but most of the people admired our courage (or lack of it) to get up there and sing that. The girls out there ate it up... THEY LOVE THE SONG. Well, I do too. It was so much fun. After that, girls were all "I saw you singing!" and "Shake it baby" and stuff randomally threw the park. And its a HUGE amusement park...lol so it was awesome. Had plenty of fun. SO much fun! I loved it absolutely. I'll put pictures up soon.

Well now im tired. So tired. So very tired. SO I will rant.

I realized that a lot of my close friends smoke! On the way home, we stopped off at an exit. They a lmost got left because they were smoking.... it was sad. Sad in the way that an addiction does that to a person. I don't know.. im a health freak, so im careful about everything that goes into my body. In my eyes, the body is a reflection of the mind, and the mind (when propely under control) is a reflection of who and what you are--- the soul, self, blah blah. So im just cautious about what I put into the body, since I can greatly feel the effects certain (meaning anything) substances have on it. It's why I became a vegitarian! This is also why I could never tolerate smoking. My body was born with respitory problems to begain with. Things that I had to work threw--- still is to a degree. The toxins that a ciggerette release is enormus. Its so.. dirty? Yea. Second hand smoke is worst. It chokes you! Egh.

But good thing im a person who sees people AS people. Not do much for or because of their actions all the time, but for the simple fact that they are people. And you have to know them for that. People are people, each to his own. So no need to judge--- because you only judge yourself in the end. So when they smoke, I just stepepd away. ITs just not for me at all. It was funny seeing them running back to the bus as we almost pulled off and left them though. They were all out of breath and houghing XD. That was funny.

Well, Owen just called. So Peace.
About this Confession
Hope
Apr. 28th, 2005 @ 06:09 pm One month to graduation.
Prevalent Racket: Girlfight (remix)- Valentine
STORM!!!
Holy crap! You are:
Impulsive yet good natured, Storm has the power to control just about every element on earth. Not that she needs to, because with a rack like that 90% of all males pretty much eat out of her hand. She's pretty daring but gets hurt alot, it's a good thing her friends always back her up, because she gets shot out of the sky in just about every fight.




My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:


free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 32% on Mutations
Link: The Which X-Man Are You Test written by alexium on OkCupid Free Online Dating
About this Confession
Hope
Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 12:13 am <^> No Subject <^>
Prevalent Racket: Oh- Ciara
Thirteen random things you like
01) pictures
02) compassion
03) boxer shorts
04) music
05) sleep
06) baths & showers
07) sleep
08) out doors
09) sleep
10) air
11) sleep
12) aloneness
13) and...um...did I say sleep?

Twelve movies
01) Spider-Man
02) Spider-Man 2
03) I, Robot
04) Bulletproof Monk
05) Kill Bill Vol. 2
06) Day After Tomorrow
07) Good Burger
08) Aladin
09) 101 Dalmations
10) TMNT--- 1 & 2
11) Ray
12) Gigli.... AHAHAhahahahahahahhaahahahhahaahhaahhahahahahahAHaHAAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Eleven good bands/artists
01) Usher
02) Maroon 5
03) Alicia Keys
04) Evanesence
05) John Legend
06) Linkin Park
07) Good Charlette
08) Jay Z
09) John Mayer
10) Bowling for Soup
11) Green Day

Ten things about you ... physically
01) 5'5"
02) 145
03) dark skin
04) flexible
05) smell good most times
06) nice size
07) nice shape
08) sharp senses
09) lack of rythm
10) gentle touch

Nine good friends
01) Edward
02) Ken
03) Krystina
04) Carrie
05) Owen
06) Chrystal
07) Matt
08) Natitlie and Nicole
09) Syreena,Sheena, Dawnie, Rojin, and the rest of yah.

Eight favorite foods/drinks
01) pasta
02) icecream/pop tarts
03) smoothe
04) soy milk
05) pizza
06) eggie burger
07) Subs
08) SALADS

Seven things you wear daily
01) tight undershirt
02) boxer shorts
03) watch
04) rings
05) some necklace
06) school ID (most days)
07) some form of pants

Six things that annoy you
01) forgetting someones name
02) forgetting what i was just thinking about and was going to write
03) tripping all the time (despite I have good balance)
04) bad breath
05) bad food
06) nagging

Five things you touch everyday
01) myself
02) food
03) cell phone
04) someones heart...or...other...things <_< 05) the world Four shows you watch 01) Enterprise 02) Veronica Mars 03) House 04) CSI Three celebrities you have a crush on 01) ALICIA KEYS 02) MILI KULIANS 03) DARK ANGEL (cant think of her name) Two people on LJ you have kissed (on the cheek) 01) No 02) One One person you could spend the rest of your life with: 01) myself? Something you didn't know about me: My last commited relationship was in 3rd grade
About this Confession
Hope
Mar. 28th, 2005 @ 09:45 pm Rochester Ahoy
So, im off. If you want or need to contact me, those who have my number give me a ring ^_^. Until I get back...

- Chris
About this Confession
Hope
Mar. 27th, 2005 @ 12:59 am Hm
Prevalent Racket: Number One Spot- Ludacris
style="color: black; background: #eeeeee" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" bgcolor="#eeeeee"> <tr> <td bgcolor="#eeeeee">
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56%
Stability |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Orderliness |||||||||| 36%
Empathy |||||||||||||||| 63%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||| 16%
Materialism |||| 16%
Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56%
Adventurousness |||||||||||| 50%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 50%
Self absorbed |||||| 30%
Conflict seeking |||||| 23%
Need to dominate |||||| 30%
Romantic || 10%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 43%
Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50%
Wealth |||||| 23%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||| 23%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Individuality |||||||||||| 50%
Sexuality |||||||||| 36%
Peter pan complex |||| 16%
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 70%
Food indulgent |||||||||||| 43%
Histrionic || 10%
Paranoia |||| 16%
Vanity |||||||||||| 50%
Hypersensitivity || 10%
Female cliche |||||||||| 36%
</td> </tr> </table> Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were very high which suggests you are extremely relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Trait snapshot:

messy, tough, disorganized, fearless, not rule conscious, likes the unknown, rarely worries, rash, attracted to the counter culture, rarely irritated, positive, resilient, abstract, not a perfectionist, risk taker, strange, weird, self reliant, leisurely, dangerous, anti-authority, trusting, optimistic, positive, thrill seeker, likes bizarre things, sarcastic
About this Confession
Hope
Mar. 15th, 2005 @ 06:22 am Word to your mother.
Prevalent Racket: Daughters- John Myer
"It's so true about everybody in general."- James

Flake by JackJohnson

I know she said it's alright
But you can make it up next time
I know she knows it's not right
There ain't no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something
Maybe maybe she thinks its fine
Maybe she knows something I don't
I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down

I know she loves the sunrise
No longer sees it with her sleeping eyes
And I know that when she said she's gonna try
Well it might not work because of other ties and
I know she usually has some other ties
And I wouldn't want to break 'em, nah, I wouldn't want to break 'em
Maybe she'll help me to untie this but
Until then well, I'm gonna have to lie to you.

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down
It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go

The harder that you try baby, the further you'll fall
Even with all the money in the whole wide world
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me by

Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change
You gonna have to call it by a brand new name
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

Just like a tree down by the water baby I shall not move
Even after all the silly things you do
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down
About this Confession
Hope
Mar. 5th, 2005 @ 11:47 pm I've seen my future..and it is good.
Prevalent Feeling: ecstatic
Prevalent Racket: Lets get Blown- Snoop Dog
Today at work, I met someone. This is someone I already knew, but I never knew.

Ronald is a 62? year old guy who works with me in my department from time to time. He is perverted acting in a lot of ways for his age, and is always saying smart ass comments. Everybody loves his bluntness, and the fact that he is just so damn >_< . lol.

Today, as I was comming into work, I brought a book. The name is "Kundalini Rising". It's a book I started reading, never really got into, but decided to finish reading it anyway. LOTS of people at school has asked me what this book was about, and has read some of it utterly clueless. Anyway, as i was coming in, he was going off to lunch. He happens to notice the book and goes "Is this yours?" I go "Um yea... (thinking I did something wrong)" Then he goes "We have to talk." And leaves >_>

So he comes back about an hour later, but he goes to another department. He quickly says "Call me when you get the chance over there." He ends up calling me first, but I miss it. So I call him back, and hes not there! So, I walk over there to eat my buritto (mmm beans) and I happen to run into him. I said, "You called?" He goes "Yes I did. What do you know about the Kundalini?" I go (mouth and eyes dropped to the floor). "What do you need to know?"

That sparked one of the most (if not the most) spiritual and intense converstations I have had in this lifetime. It only lasted around 10 to 15 min-- about everything. Well, not everything. I quickly saw something new in Ronald... and he in I as well. He told me how he has studied UPANISHADS, AMRITA-GITA, and various of other eastern philosohpical and spiritual books! Im like "Wow..." . Its not only that he has read them, but he understood and applied them. Thats the thing. Then he told me that his wife had recently finished commetaries on the Upanishads! He asked if I would like to read it, and I said "OF COURSE!" We discussed religion and how it ties into the world (just Islomic and Christianity a bit) and the charkas and such. The whole convo lasted only around 10 min, and that seemed like NO TIME at all. Since time seemed to stop. We had to cut it short because cameras were watching us >_<. The convo ended with, "You can't tell any of this stuff to these "christians'" Im like "Yea, they are all JESUS blah blah, and he wasn't like that! Nor his teachings. I dropped all religion a while ago tho." He then says, "Good boy. The only true religion is yourself. We must talk again." Im like SURE MAN. Then I go eat my bean burritto ^_^

I wish he was working tomorrow. Its very rare that I find people to discuss these things with--- and at such an intense and personal level. Usually when I talk like that around here, no one understands me! It was so diffrent with Ronald... I can learn a lot from him. He is a realized soul! Thats rare... very rare. I wonder how we didn't pick up on each other sooner. Then again, everything in its due time...

Who would have guessed though? Old perverted, sartastic, jack-ass acting, Ronald. lol, I guess he wears the same mask I do. I have seen my future.. and it is good ^_^
About this Confession
Hope
Mar. 5th, 2005 @ 12:10 pm Decisions...Decisions...
Yesterday I realized that this would be a very defining month in my life.

A lot rests on the decisions I make within the next 30 days or so. Things that will carry me for the rest of my life. So many choices... so little time. Thats always the case--- isn't it?

Ah well @_@
About this Confession
Hope
Mar. 4th, 2005 @ 11:13 pm No Box
There is a box. It exists.
So... you see outside the box.
And what is there?

It's been a month.

Or has it? So much changes in a day. Then in a week. Then in a month. Then in a year >_<. Its all so mind boggling. I wish I could keep better track of time. But that seems to get worst than better.

My perception of time is weird. Or not one of conventional thought. The only way I keep track of it is how the body responds to the stimulus around it. Like when its hungry, or sleepy, or otherwise. Otherwise I don't really experience time... it's odd. It hasn't always been this way, just one of those things that happen. But its cool. Having no time makes it past by all the faster, but then again all the slower....

Lately even that has been retarded. The body/mind rarely gets exhausted now, and when it does it's due to energy overload. Not depletion of it. I am never "out" of energy anymore. It's like this endless supply now... its nice. It has happened due to recent things.

Ever since I was young, I always wondered "Why"? I think we all have. My biggest thing has been the why of others. I never really got why people did or do some of the things they do or did. Within my own person, there has always been this... "border". A safety net if you will that has always stopepd me or in some way protected me from the stupid choices or things that go on. Maybe my own personal Jimmine Cricket. Then there has always been the compassion towards others. I always felt others pains, sorrows, worries and regreats... no matter what. It use to kill me--- carrying around "the weight of the world" on your shoulder. And it never stops--- because people are going to make wrong choices no matter what. Its who we are as a race. Its from those mistakes that we learn.

What changed? Recently, I havent been like that. All my life I have... but recently I havent. Something has...changed. It's very odd to describe. I jsut see that people make their own choices for their own spiritual development. Everything is "spiritual" no matter how insane or "unjust" it may seem. Confrutations are really for the blind. Diffrent souls that are all one soul, living out each of their own paths. It was my burden of their greif in my heart which has allowed me to see this. I still feel the same love, compassion, and oneness, its just now they don't weigh me down. I no longer "just feel it" I have become the very essence of it. I can lift the world one thousand times over, and it not exhaust what I am. Bring me your darkest corners and your heaviest of loads. It won't crush my spirit, it wont rob me of what or who I am. For I am you, you are me. We are each other. And threw this--- it all makes sense.

No misery. No dissapointment. No "attachment" even. I don't feel attached really. How can you be? The world is in constant motion. Every moment something changes, and will always change. ITs the law of the universe itself! Even your body is in constant motion--- the chair, the EVERYTHING. There is no way to get attached to things that are in constant motion. Because nothing is constant but that motion. And that is life. That is the essence we are. We are the only constant and unchanging things. What we are never changes. Who we are is always in constant change. And that does not lie in the universe... but on a whole nother level in itself. No Box.

Anyway, my rants.
About this Confession
Hope
Feb. 28th, 2005 @ 04:44 pm <^> No Subject <^>
Prevalent Feeling: confused
Now Jermiah is going to be a baby daddy!?

Everyone is having kids. Its so odd.

Thats makes... 5.... or 6 of my friends? >_< insane.

I didn't really feel like talking much today. So Chrystal was all "Whats wrong?" im like "Nothing!". Its like the song goes... just one of those days... dont take it personal. Because its not! I jsut wanna be all alone! I might call Shannon, she wasnt as schoo today. And Ken, since he asked me to. Other than that, I need to clean. Its so dusty. *cough*
About this Confession
Hope
Feb. 21st, 2005 @ 04:08 pm Since You've Been Gone
Prevalent Feeling: blah
Prevalent Racket: Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
KELLY CLARKSON

"Since You've Been Gone"

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
About this Confession
Hope
Feb. 14th, 2005 @ 04:21 pm <^> No Subject <^>
Prevalent Racket: Ordinary People- John Legend
Valentines Day...

Meh.

Our School bands any stuffed dolls, candy, love ballons, etc. Why? They create a distraction from the learning process. Hm. Sounds just about right as far as love is concerned. ;-)

Anyway, the teachers seemed to be more into the spirit than the students this year. Ms. Greene gave us all cards and candy. Even the bus driver did! I gave Carrie a kiss on the cheek. I was like "Im going to kiss you" (yes, im obvious and blunt). Then I did! Haha. I also gave Shannon one. She broke up with her boyfriend last week. It was ironically the day after...well, never mind. Anyway, I just said, "Happy Valentines ^_^" since she seemed a lil out of it. Even if she tried to hide the fact. She was all "aww, thanks Chris". Yer welcome girly.

Reminds me of when I was young. Kisses and hugs EVERYWHERE. Then... I became largly inverted. Then they all but stopped. But over the past year or two, I have reopened my heart again to those things. The more inwardly I went, the more outwardly I have became. ^_^ Open up and your like a boo. Then anyone can read you ey?

Ah well. Off to work. Peace, Love, and all of that stuff.
About this Confession
Hope
Feb. 13th, 2005 @ 03:15 am I just wanna live
Prevalent Feeling: awake
Prevalent Racket: I Just Wanna Live- Good Charlette
For the past month or so, I have been channelling continuous energy. Consciously however. This time anyway. It was about time. And lots of it.

It has put a stress on the body, but nowt so much that its like "AAAAAAAH". Well sometimes. Like passing out to sleep, or not being able to go to sleep. The same ole. But the body has stablized a lot. Like a lot a lot. It's like the manifestation of what was already realized. Odd. Everything just got a lot clearer. The past month has been one big second.

And thats my life these days. Yesterday? When was that? Tomorrow? Thats what now? Now? Haha. I don't know anymore. Actually I do ^_^ thats why I dont. All time seems to clump together. And insted of being confusing with seeing diffrent time segments all at once and them clashing (like it use to be) my vision is perfectly clear now. It's really undescriable what has happened in the last "second". And a lot of other things... the body feels a lot lighter. And then there is the mind. Its so quiet. Then there are all the ^_^. I know now. Yea, its nice. Stable in yourself.

"What we are never changes, but who we are never stops changing."

I guess... *stares at book* Im going to try it again. Hm. Lets see how it goes.

Even if all that was highly vague, in other news, there is no other news. Really. Or there is. A lot has happened, I just don't know how significant it is all yet. So we will see ^_^. I'll keep you all informed. Im so happy about so much, its just all so undescriable. Oh, I drove for the first time today--- since the accident. It was shaky at first, but I quickly readopted once I got into the city traffic. I AM NO ONES BITCH. Oh yea. Fear is no factor. Why? It doesn't exist. Remember that. Oddly however it teaches us a lot. Wonder why? ;-)

Anyway. Besides everyone being sick. I need to start back on scholarships. And things of the such. High School is ending so soon. So soon. Can't lag now. No no no. Must go go go.
About this Confession
Hope
Feb. 12th, 2005 @ 12:43 am Be Good
Prevalent Racket: John Mayer- Daughters
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change

I've done all I can
To stand on the steps with my heart in my hands
Now I started to think
Maybe its got nothing to do with me.

so fathers be good to your daughters,
daughters will love like you do,
girls become lovers who turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughters too.

Oh

Oh you see that skin
Its the same shes been standing in
Since the day you two met
I bet I was on your mind
Never ever any time

Oh yeah

So fathers be good to your daughters,
Daughters will love like you do, yeah
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too.

Boys you can break
Find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong and
Boys soldier on
But boys would be gone
Without warmth of a woman's good good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
On behalf of ever man
Who's looking out for every girl
You are the god and you are the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters,
Daughters will love like you do,
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too
So mothers be good to your daughters too
So mothers be good to your daughters too
About this Confession
Hope
Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 02:36 pm <^> No Subject <^>
Kenyatta.. a daddy?

Its true, its true. My best male friend is soon to be a dad. Im going to be an uncle...! Its happy, but at the same time all so shocking.

Not much to say. So, i'll leave it at that.
About this Confession
Hope